Hello to all of Alpha’s friends. I was told to address him as Alpha. Unfortunately he has been incarcerated, and he told me to post all of the details onto his blog because “they will think it is hilarious.” Personally I think it is pretty funny. All the years I have known this man, I’ve never seen him behind bars. It was quite amusing. Onto the details then. According to Alpha there is a new “bad*ss motherf*cker b*tch lookin nancy” Police Chief in town. The new Police Chief happened to be riding with one of the senior officers on duty when Alpha was pulled over. For speeding. 120 mph I was told. The senior officer, upon recognizing Alpha, reported to the new Chief that “this is that Government fella. He’s probably in rush, so we shouldn’t pull him over, sir.” I know this because me and David talked to the officer later at the bar, since we are all good friends. The new Chief said “No one is above the law, not even FED’s.” Now since Alpha wasn’t driving a government vehicle, and wasn’t technically on the clock, he was promptly pulled over by the two officers. You see, Alpha doesn’t actually work for the government, just with the government. So he has many friends, meaning that there are little to know restrictions on him. He’s got a special little I.D. for airport security, a special little passport, etc. But like Dwayne Johnson proved in Walking Tall, no one is above the law. Just to reiterate the Chief’s point. So Alpha was charged with the following: A hefty speeding ticket, reckless operation, and a multitude of weapons charges (Two knives above the legale length, one sword, handgun loaded in glove box, and “sawed off” pump-action .20 gauge shotgun). Since our friend is very close to every important person in the entire city, he likely won’t serve more jail time than the days until his court date, which, once it was found that he had been incarcerated, was promptly moved to Thursday. Via Alpha’s only request to the new Chief this has all been kept completely quiet from anyone except the involved parties (judge, prosecuting attorney, us, and both officers). The Chief obliged this one favor because “You seem like a pretty OK guy, but you’re still gonna serve your time.” So Alpha’s boss thinks he’s sick, and even the jury will not know who’s fate they are deciding. They will only be given the charges to decide. Alpha will likely be paying a very large fine, however, which subsequently, will become my responsibility somehow.
Best Wishes, Texas Toast
P.S. My name really is Texas Toast, and I am really a mute.