Old Memories

So Since I am still having these reoccurring dreams of my fiance that died, I have been writing down what happens when I wake up. They have grown quite disturbing and are not like regular dreams at all. Now let me explain something to you all for a moment. When you have had people bleed to death in your arms, your mind physically changes. Now I’m not a doctor so I couldn’t tell you exactly what happens but you change. My mind is so fucked up from all I have been through and I keep seeing things. Not in a schizophrenic way, but I have to remember these things to stay strong and emotionless when I need to. I have to be strong for my team, something a lot of you won’t understand. Being closer to strangers than your own family is fucked up. I’m sorry for my language I usually don’t talk like this but the emotion I need to convey is more than simple words. I can’t even get you to imagine these things and I do the things I do so others never have to. So these dreams mean something because subconsciously there is something going on that I need to become fully aware of. This is all very hard to explain. I have reoccurring dreams about things to come sometimes. It’s that sixth sense stuff or whatever. Sharing with you all what I have been through is hard. I really can’t use details but I need to let some of this out. So I’m about to drop some heavy controversial shit on you people and I personally know that this is true so if you don’t believe it that’s fine. You can have your own opinion and in fact I encourage you too. But I’m not here for your petty little arguments on what you believe so if you don’t agree go ahead and voice your opinion but don’t try to start an argument. I would greatly appreciate it. There is another world. There is a God. There are Demons and Angels, the devil, and all of that. There is a war inside all of us between good and evil. I know that Claire isn’t in a better place and there is nothing I can do about it. I used to be able to do something. I used to be strong enough to fight for my loved ones but I’m not as strong anymore. Are you understanding me? I wish I could tell you all. I really do. Also I’m not one of those weird spirit mediums or any of that gypsy crap. Don’t worry.


2 thoughts on “Old Memories

  1. Deep stuff man. Sometimes you just have to let all of that pent up feelings out. Everything that you mentioned is all hard topics to talk about. I’ve never had anyone fade away in my arms and I hope that doesn’t happen one day. It may, considering what I’m hoping to get into but I can’t think like that. Just realize that it’s a possibility.

    I’m very sorry about what you had to go through. It probably doesn’t mean much considering I don’t necessarily know the gravity of the situations you’ve been through. But know that you have my sincerest consolations. And I believe it. Life after death, God watching over you. It’s as real as every breath that I take, the food I eat, the house that shelters me. Hope everything’s well with you 🙂

    • I appreciate it man. It means a lot. I hope you never have to go through this stuff and some of it I’m pretty sure you won’t. But thanks again. Btw, a great band with a great message is We Came as Romans. Not sure if they are your style or not. They are metalcore, but my favorite band. We play some of their stuff too haha

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